Let It Flow

There are things that some humans don't get.

There are people that have problems with their mental state that may can't be cured. 

And they treat it like "Oh, that's just exaggerating"

But what if it's not?

I found people have more problems than me. But at times, it's best to put all the shame on me. To realize myself how my life is great. Even with my condition. To re-humanize.

And some people might say, "Why should we care?"

It's best to care for other people that are gloomy or sad.

May God someday repay for what you did in the near future.

But, it's your choice.

And if they say, "So?"

Just one sentence, do you have a heart? Don't you feel sad for, don't think about other people, think about your friend that's sad. They need a light to shine on their problems. Especially for suicidal people.

I just want everyone to realize, don't be a heartless person. 

But in the end....

It's up to the people that has the problem, they want to be alone, let it be. They like refuse you like harshly, they    don't wanna trouble anyone, but they needed someone. They want you to listen, to release all of their burden.

Well, that's what I think.

So i guess that's it i guess

Sayonara

-Deep Depression Is A Step To Understanding-

Great, the old emotions are back == Here's comes my problem...yet again

I realize now, I have a problem that I always endure. There's this time on my point of happiness crumble so suddenly with many emotion that I keep ignoring. And then at that good time happiness moment, this bad memories suddenly burst. I can't help it if this happens. I became insane at first, then the anger release as if the river flows through the hillside. The anger I hid was blurred out and yeah, it ends up with me having no friends. This always happens every time i got to do something great or made a new friend that I really enjoy. For you guys that caught up in the cross fire, 

I'm sorry.

I didn't meant every word I said.

Well, maybe I did but..I'm just too exaggerating my feelings.

But still, I didn't mean it

I have a weird condition. I have emotions and personality issues. I just want you guys to know that I'm like this because I'm not making it up. It just is. 

I'm writing this while I try to stay calm. But blogs doesn't have people yelling at you like, "You wanna fight er something?" Or something like that. SO I can easily relax while typing this. But I just don't know, right now I just don't want to even see chat groups and other social internet stuff. I don't feel like chatting to the friends that I just met face 2 face today and the gamer chat group. I'm just having a bad mood, that's all I guess. I've gotta clear my mind. And maybe after that, I can return to my throne.

Sayonara, minna-san

I hope you can accept who I am

Internet? Y U MAKE ME LIEK DIS?

You see, this is how fate goes.

You accidentally get involved or join something

and then....

You became a famous person by just one day

 ._.

And I mean what? Seriously? I know I'm a girl gamer that loves and adores~ blood and gore ^^ and violent stuffs like doing headshots so many times~

And then all the boys are like...

YOU'RE A GIRL???? IS DIS WORLD MAD ER SOMETHIN'?

And I just LOLed

So yeah.....fate is weird ._.



CHEERIO~~~~

Suicidal Song? Love em'!

I'm really in a mood for sad songs right now.It's not because I'm sad or anything, I just love it! Then I came across a song by Jamestown Story called Goodbye I'm Sorry. The song just became the theme of my school life, everyday. No one cares about me. No one never does. I'm just the lonely girl that just sits in class with a 'I don't have any friends' look while drawing my dearest desires. It may sound crazy but I want to know what it feels like to be a guy for a change. To walk in their shoes. I know some movies that recall this same situation and it always ended like ' I'm glad I'm 'what' at the beginning' and that's it. And those films just sucked. 

About the music, this is the lyric;

Time has run out, for me.

Everything's distant and I don't know what to believe.

It's so hard, lost in the world confusion.

And I need to leave, for a while.

Life is so meaningless, there is nothing worth a smile.

So goodbye, I'll miss you.

And I'm sorry, but this is my fate.

Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.

And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long.

So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.

I'm not worth any tears.

It's been the years, of abuse.

Neglected to treat the disorder,

That controls my youth, for so long.

I'm in a fleshy tomb, buried up above the ground.

It's no use, why should I hold on?

It's been five years, don't need one more.

So goodbye, life's abuse.

And I'm sorry, but this is my fate.

Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.

And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long.

So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.

I'm not worth any tears.

(Every 18 minutes, somebody dies from a suicide.

Every 43 seconds, somebody attempts one.

If you, or anybody you know, is suicidal,

Call 1-800-784-2433.)

And I'm sorry, but this my fate.

Everything is worthless, no one who wants me to stay.

And I'm sorry, but I've waited too long.

So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.

So here's my goodbye, no one will cry over me.

I'm not worth any tears.

I went WTF on the call 1-800-784-2433. I mean, what's that number? The suicide company? A therapist? Did anyone even tried calling the number? But nonetheless, I feel...not wanted. I tried to change my attitude a little bit but I ended up being like a...the B word. I mean, I just don't know what to do? I don't wanna be this lonely girl in the classroom all the time. I want to be something that's noticeable in my school, but not popular.

And that leaves the lyric, "no one will cry over me. I'm not worth any tears"

I think nobody in my school will cry when I die. And I'm not worth anyone's tears. It just feel kinda sad being me. Although some people has it harder. But my life's been an empty shell with no snail in it. It can't move forward. And only the wind can move it. But which way? The wind that blew me blows me backwards. I feel left out. I feel not needed. And I have a yearning of the past at times.

I like to just sing my heart out now. I know my voice isn't like a Goddess or anything but, I just want to spit out every emotion inside my worthless body.

The life of myself....

The life of self regrets....

And at this feelings, came happiness. How I made it this far. But not far enough. This song kinda encourage me to suicide. But I don't want to. I don't want to die yet. I don't want to left everyone behind. My friends, my family. They'll be sad if I'm gone. And I'll go to hell for suicide. No one wins. And suicide can be a selfish thing. Because they don't realize many other human beings that have a more miserable life then theirs. And they don't care about their friends and family. So that means emo people are selfish? Not sure.

It's 10:41 PM So I'll sleep now. Oyasumi and Sayonara :3

INVITA

So yeah! Story time!

FIRST DAY

So the first day we leave Jakarta with a bus....ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?!? And we make our way to....

JOGJA~

SECOND DAY

On the second day, we made a stop someplace. And we eat, bathe, and for me....sleep ==

After that we went to a great mountain! A wonderful mountain! Nope, not Mauna Loa or Vesuvius! You're joking if you thought about those mountains! They're close relatives so yeah ._. IT'S MERAPI! We went on a LAVA tour! Say the lava really loud~ ._. O..kayyy~

2 km climb and 2 km down the slippery lava lane~

After that we had a little lunch at someplace == And this is where it gets good~

I was inside the bus checking my videos of few of my friends sleeping. Then it happen...

THEBUSWENTBACKANDIWASINSIDEANDIGOWTHONTHEWHOLEBUSANDITCRASHEDINTOATREEATTHEBACKANDWRECKASTANDBEHINDIT!THEBUSDRIVERGOTMADANDIBECAMEAVICTIM._.ANDTHEMASTERMINDBEHINDITIS84645!

And after that we went to a batik maker place thingy uhh....batik jonggrang! And i became trauma of the bus going back ever since ._.

THIRD DAY

Third day...hmm....I went to Keraton, i think? Okay starting now this is gonna get random because i forgot the order. So at Keraton was boring. I ain't interested in some history doodats == And then I went to Dagadu place to buy stuff. And to Malioboro to buy MORE stuff. And in the end we go to the beach~ Summer only last 6 months~ LOL There's no fall, spring, and winter on Indonesia ._. 

FOURTH DAY

Sugar Factory, Borobudur, END

THE END~ (note i got bored writing)

saya tdk janji tdk post di blod >:D

ME LIKE TO TAKE PICS OF PEOPLE SLEEPING!

And I LIED!!!!!!

Surprise! The surprise is....I didn't post anything!!!!! >:D Goodbye~

Countdown 'til my B'day! (special 2 weeks post)

Okay you guys~ You see...my birthday is two more weeks right now so I wanna declare a special 2 week of posting!

SO! What am I going to post... -___-

I know!

Photo of my classmates sleeping, then after a week is over we get serious! 

Now~ The pic of the day is....

Twist schleepin' Kiki!